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History Lesson, Bitches

Yup, I'm delivering today. Mindblowingly accurate historical revelation.

Because most of you are sports fans, I'll keep this simple. Ok, so for those of you that don't know, Russia wasn't always called Russia. Yes, I know crazy, but countries can switch names. So the Soviet Union is the more politically correct term for the Russia of old, the one the United States hated. And in terms of leaders, before the current era of 'chev's, the U.S.S.R. was run by Vladimir Lenin and Joseph Stalin. And basically they ran the country into the ground and there was war and death and poverty, and yeah whatever, who really cares. And at this point, you may be wondering, am I going to talk about Russian Hockey or Bandy, as they call it? The answer is fuck no, there's no hockey on this blog.

The answer to what I am going to talk about relates to a popular policy during the Soviet era. The possibly senile minds of Lenin and Stalin had a habit of declaring 5-year economic plans in the hopes of boosting the economy in the U.S.S.R., all to no avail.

And now, 80 years later, another stupid Russian is trying his luck at a five year plan again. The New Jersey Nets' new majority owner Mikhail Prokhorov, has continuously noted that he has a five year plan to win an NBA championship. I know, crazy, right?

The dismal Nets have yet to win 20 games this year, and are showing no signs of life, even after trading for former-Jazz guard Deron Williams. The Nets can't expect that having an All-Star point guard is going to help the rest team succeed, especially since Williams was acquired in exchange for two of their key players. Stupid Russians. And the only sign of hope seems to come from rumors that the Nets will acquire someone like Dwight Howard this offseason, a ridiculously low possibility. So, Nets fans (I hate feeling like I'm not talking to anyone), enjoy the next 4 years, but don't expect any championships, especially if the five year plan works out the same way they did in the U.S.S.R.

The only thing that Nets fans can take away from their team being run like the Soviet Union is that, possibly, Jay-Z will take over in the same fashion as Joseph Stalin, and clean house in the next couple of years. Because honestly, what NBA star would give up a chance to work for Jay-Z?
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