All Hail the Big German Fuck

After finally winning his first NBA title, Dirk Nowitzki is finally a true international icon, and I am positive Mien Fuhrer would be happy. For the first time in 60 years the United States has a German man to fear, and I think we kind of welcome his presence. As much as the average NBA fan hates Mark Cuban and his Dallas juggernaut, the same fans are glad that the Miami Heatles didn't win their first championship just yet. Thus, I wonder why they even played these Finals, as no potential victor was favored by anyone. It is in times like these that I wish one of the Bay Area teams was good at sports, because no one would get mad if they won, ever. So to all of you sports fans out there that aren't from Dallas or Green Bay you'll have to wait another year, and in this time I invite you to scream out in hatred towards any of the oppressive sports Gods you worship, for not granting you a shinny metal cup.

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Brett Favre's Illustrious Career and 'The Viking Situation'

Seeing as this is my first post, I would like to ask for a pass in advance for any typos, or errors in my facts in any of my posts. As his career comes to an end, (hopefully) I would like to take this time to examine Brett Favre 's career and my self-entitled 'Viking Situation' , and relate it to Any Given Sunday , which seemingly hasn't been done (other than this and this , both of which fail to fully relate 'The Viking Situation'), which I believe is odd. As well, as a disclaimer, I realize that the movie does not model the current situation, given the time difference, and merely wish to offer an odd amount of similarities. Brett Favre Dennis Quaid First, and most prevalently, credit must be given where credit is due. Brett Favre is arguably one of the best quarterbacks of all time, and seemingly the toughest. His record for yards (71,838) and touchdowns (508) are hard to argue with, although he also holds the records for most times sacked and most...

Don't Worry, Nothing's Changed

So, despite the lockout and many other off-season ordeals, the largest change in the NFL seems to be that crazy kick return rule. The average dim-witted NFL analysts was shocked to learn that despite the ball being placed 5 yards up from last years 35-yard line, there were 8 kick return touchdowns in week 1. Of course, in any week, 8 kick return touchdowns is significant, but those extra five yards, I chose to argue, make no difference. So let's start by looking at a couple of examples: So I know these are both Percy Harvin , who is an amazing kick returner, but let's look at one other similarity between these two plays: Harvin beats the last defender with his incredible speed with about 30 yards to go before the end zone. Thus, would it have really mattered if the ball was 10, 20, even 30 yards closer to the offense. I say no. I for one, understand the idea of a shorter kickoff. The many blindside hits and concussions caused by kickoffs are dangerous to the sport, and ...

Equilibrium

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching an NFL pregame show, and in between the usual banter about RG III, Tim Tebow, and the Eagles (just three things in the NFL people need to shut up about), there was a comment that caught my attention. One of the announcers noted that the AFC had only two teams with a record above .500, the Ravens and Texans, who coincidentally would play later that day. So at first glance, as he noted, it appears the 'balance of power' has shifted to the NFC, in part due to NFC teams playing in larger markets (which is also a ridiculous statement). Anyway, I'd like to fast forward two weeks and shit on this dude. As the standings sit today, both conferences have 7 teams with records above .500. So, clearly, fuck him. However, this announcer has two good excuses at this point. First, he made his comments during week 7, meaning most teams had played a total of 6 games, which despite being enough of a sample to judge the balance of power in the leag...

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